This post has been slightly delayed due to a severe effort shortage in my immediate area. Still, I have managed to scrimp and save enough energy to remedy the situation and get this bad boy online...
On Monday (9th Jan) I was due to attend an assessment centre for a company called Pareto. This assessment day was to take place in Wilmslow, which is a fair trek to get over to from Lincoln. It involved two trains and a bus to get to Wilmslow and then to walk through Wilmslow and find where Pareto's offices were. The trip itself went as smoothly as I could have hoped for, with everything running on time and going accoring to plan. On the bus to Wilmslow I met two people who were also attending the assessment centre. When we got to Wilmslow, the three of us decided that it would be easy enough to find Pareto's offices and so thought we would go get a coffee at Starbucks as we still had about 30 minutes left. With 15 minutes left we exited Starbucks and headed to where we thought the Pareto offices were - unfortunately we had read the directions wrong and had infact walked past their offices and gone round in a big circle. Fortunately I realised this and directed us back in the direction we had come and finally we found the offices.
The assessment day itself ended up being somewhere in the region of a total failure. It was due to last from 1pm till 6:30pm, but by 3:30pm myself and about 15 other people were taken aside and informed that we had failed, or rather, weren't what they were looking for. I would be lying if I said this came as any sort of surprise. Don't get me wrong, I went to this thing expecting it to be a doddle - I guess because I viewed the job as being something rubbish that I didn't want to do; I foolishly assumed that I would be able to get the job without trying. However, it soon became apparant that the type of people that I was up against and the type of people that Pareto were looking for, were as different from me as Bill Bailey differs from John Prescott (not that I am saying I am like either of them, it was just a rubbish example - I'm no where near as funny as Bill Bailey and why on earth would I aspire to be like the Fat Controller?). Near the start we all had to introduce ourselves to the 50 or so other candidates and Pareto people by standing up and giving our name, our star sign (?) and our greatest achievement to date. It was as early as this that I could see my own imminent doom. I have no achievements, let alone great ones and I didn't feel that I would be able to get by purely by being a Scorpio; which coincidently is the best star sign, and I stated so at the time - though most people there were Aries, which some goon was nice enough to point out was "the leadership sign" (idiot). I decided that I would just say that my favourite achievement was getting the internship at Wolff Olins, as even though it's utterly boring (as an achievement, not the experience itself), it was all I could think of. When questioned as to how I came to get the internship I just said "God knows - I just blagged my way on" (that was one of those "I immediately regret my decision" moments, as they weren't impressed by my use of the word 'blag' and made it clear). With few exceptions, most people labelled their achievements as trekking to the North Pole carrying a sick huskie, or saving 4,000 people in a small town in Mexico from neighbouring bandits that had been plaguing the village led by the infamous El Guapo... [interlude]
Jefe: We have many beautiful pinatas for your birthday celebration, each one filled with little surprises!
El Guapo: How many pinatas?
Jefe: Many pinatas, many!
El Guapo: Jefe, would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
Jefe: A what?
El Guapo: A *plethora*.
Jefe: Oh yes, El Guapo. You have a plethora.
El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora?
Jefe: Why, El Guapo?
El Guapo: Well, you just told me that I had a plethora, and I would just like to know if you know what it means to have a plethora. I would not like to think that someone would tell someone else he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora.
Jefe: El Guapo, I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education, but could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?
Following the introductions, we then had a couple of group exercises. These are when it became obvious to me that I would not be passing the assessment day. I can't be bothered to thoroughly explain how the first game worked, but basically it followed the principle of Game Theory, and specifically the Prisoner's Dilemma. Now that may not mean much to some of you, but it meant something to me as I have studied it in my course and so knew how to play the game. Unfortunately, knowing how to play the game meant nothing as all the assessors wanted to see was how well you communicated your ideas to the group and convinced others that you were right. After about 3 seconds the oldest and, coincidently, tallest member of our group appointed himself the leader and tried to organise everyone in a futile manner. Everyone else was struggling to get their two cents into the forum even though none of them actually had a clue what was going on, which many of them later confessed to. After spending half our allotted looking at the numbers given to us and also at what the rest of my team had pieced together as an answer, I informed them that they were wrong and how they should change the answer. Unfortunately, as I was given to speaking in a calm and rational manner and not shouting out, I was promptly ignored and subsequently our team did terribly. Perhaps it was because they were all Aries and therefore struggling to all be the leaders - although I have my own theories along the lines of a genetic predisposition towards sub-optimal performance, but I am just being bitter. In any case, I shall make a mental note not to attempt anything constructive when surrounded by lots of people born between March 21st - April 19th.
The second group exercise involved a role playing scenario where our team had all been stranded on the moon following a poor shuttle landing and had to navigate our way to a rendevous point. There were a certain amount of items (15) available to our team on this mission that we had to rank in order of importance to our survival. By this point I had already realised that trying to explain things to the rest of my group was like trying to fly purely by flapping my arms. Given my extremely low tolerance for stupid people and my general hatred towards everyone, I was becoming slightly enraged by the fact that I had been put in the worst group (they had consistently obtained the lowest scores for both games) and that their constant squabbling was starting to sound reminiscent of hens clucking; or more like turkeys actually (gobble gobble gobble).
Anyway, after these 'games' we were given our scores for both games and people were given the opportunity to justify their decisions for both games. This opened the forum for all manner of idiocy. The amount of times people gave their brilliant strategic ideas of how to 'win' the Prisoner's Dilemma, all of which made no sense at all mathematically as the only way to win it is to co-operate with the other team and both get equal scores. Ofcourse, this couldn't happen because everyone wanted to win, so they all attempted to shaft the other team and in doing so shafted themselves. Though I will admit there was some mild amusement in hearing how these people tried to justify their own idiocy with no real understanding of what they were talking about.
After this I was informed that I hadn't passed and that there was no point in staying for the rest of the day. Having discovered that they were more interested in people's ability to talk than people's ability to think (which, in all fairness, I should have expected from a sales job), I was decidely indifferent to not passing the assessment as any job they could have placed me with I would have undoubtedly hated.
Upon leaving the assessment I was picked up from Wilmslow station by a friend who lived nearby in Stockport. We went to the nearest pub so I could have a few pints and relax and explain how the day went - I spared her the bulk of the whinging, bitterness and Three Amigos qoutes that I have put in this post.
She later dropped me off in Manchester at Piccadilly Station where I met up with a friend of mine who goes to Uni in Manchester. He showed me some of the city and I looked in a few shops before we decided to get something to eat. After an hour of not being able to decide on where to eat we just went in some random take away. After that we decided that the rest of the evening would be best spent doing a bit of a pub crawl and getting wasted. I can't say I didn't enjoy going into goth bars wearing a suit - It's like walking round a peasant village when your a knight wearing lovely shiney armour. I guess it's like the normal feeling of superiority you get when surrounded by smelly goths, but just that little bit better.
Anyway, after getting suitably wasted and another (admittedly regrettable) takeaway, we headed back to his halls to crash for the evening. He had described them as being like a prison, and in fairness, that seems pretty accurate. It's not that they weren't clean and the rooms were alright; but it's just how impersonal the place feels.
The next morning I headed back home to Lincoln. I left via Oxford Street station, so there was only one change on the way back in Sheffield. I had to leave early so that I could be back in time to go to the job centre (my favourite hell on earth) and sign on for my lovely dole money.
All in all, not a complete mis-adventure. The assessment day was a complete waste of my time, but in fairness - it was a day out.
On Monday (9th Jan) I was due to attend an assessment centre for a company called Pareto. This assessment day was to take place in Wilmslow, which is a fair trek to get over to from Lincoln. It involved two trains and a bus to get to Wilmslow and then to walk through Wilmslow and find where Pareto's offices were. The trip itself went as smoothly as I could have hoped for, with everything running on time and going accoring to plan. On the bus to Wilmslow I met two people who were also attending the assessment centre. When we got to Wilmslow, the three of us decided that it would be easy enough to find Pareto's offices and so thought we would go get a coffee at Starbucks as we still had about 30 minutes left. With 15 minutes left we exited Starbucks and headed to where we thought the Pareto offices were - unfortunately we had read the directions wrong and had infact walked past their offices and gone round in a big circle. Fortunately I realised this and directed us back in the direction we had come and finally we found the offices.
The assessment day itself ended up being somewhere in the region of a total failure. It was due to last from 1pm till 6:30pm, but by 3:30pm myself and about 15 other people were taken aside and informed that we had failed, or rather, weren't what they were looking for. I would be lying if I said this came as any sort of surprise. Don't get me wrong, I went to this thing expecting it to be a doddle - I guess because I viewed the job as being something rubbish that I didn't want to do; I foolishly assumed that I would be able to get the job without trying. However, it soon became apparant that the type of people that I was up against and the type of people that Pareto were looking for, were as different from me as Bill Bailey differs from John Prescott (not that I am saying I am like either of them, it was just a rubbish example - I'm no where near as funny as Bill Bailey and why on earth would I aspire to be like the Fat Controller?). Near the start we all had to introduce ourselves to the 50 or so other candidates and Pareto people by standing up and giving our name, our star sign (?) and our greatest achievement to date. It was as early as this that I could see my own imminent doom. I have no achievements, let alone great ones and I didn't feel that I would be able to get by purely by being a Scorpio; which coincidently is the best star sign, and I stated so at the time - though most people there were Aries, which some goon was nice enough to point out was "the leadership sign" (idiot). I decided that I would just say that my favourite achievement was getting the internship at Wolff Olins, as even though it's utterly boring (as an achievement, not the experience itself), it was all I could think of. When questioned as to how I came to get the internship I just said "God knows - I just blagged my way on" (that was one of those "I immediately regret my decision" moments, as they weren't impressed by my use of the word 'blag' and made it clear). With few exceptions, most people labelled their achievements as trekking to the North Pole carrying a sick huskie, or saving 4,000 people in a small town in Mexico from neighbouring bandits that had been plaguing the village led by the infamous El Guapo... [interlude]
Jefe: We have many beautiful pinatas for your birthday celebration, each one filled with little surprises!
El Guapo: How many pinatas?
Jefe: Many pinatas, many!
El Guapo: Jefe, would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
Jefe: A what?
El Guapo: A *plethora*.
Jefe: Oh yes, El Guapo. You have a plethora.
El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora?
Jefe: Why, El Guapo?
El Guapo: Well, you just told me that I had a plethora, and I would just like to know if you know what it means to have a plethora. I would not like to think that someone would tell someone else he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora.
Jefe: El Guapo, I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education, but could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?
Following the introductions, we then had a couple of group exercises. These are when it became obvious to me that I would not be passing the assessment day. I can't be bothered to thoroughly explain how the first game worked, but basically it followed the principle of Game Theory, and specifically the Prisoner's Dilemma. Now that may not mean much to some of you, but it meant something to me as I have studied it in my course and so knew how to play the game. Unfortunately, knowing how to play the game meant nothing as all the assessors wanted to see was how well you communicated your ideas to the group and convinced others that you were right. After about 3 seconds the oldest and, coincidently, tallest member of our group appointed himself the leader and tried to organise everyone in a futile manner. Everyone else was struggling to get their two cents into the forum even though none of them actually had a clue what was going on, which many of them later confessed to. After spending half our allotted looking at the numbers given to us and also at what the rest of my team had pieced together as an answer, I informed them that they were wrong and how they should change the answer. Unfortunately, as I was given to speaking in a calm and rational manner and not shouting out, I was promptly ignored and subsequently our team did terribly. Perhaps it was because they were all Aries and therefore struggling to all be the leaders - although I have my own theories along the lines of a genetic predisposition towards sub-optimal performance, but I am just being bitter. In any case, I shall make a mental note not to attempt anything constructive when surrounded by lots of people born between March 21st - April 19th.
The second group exercise involved a role playing scenario where our team had all been stranded on the moon following a poor shuttle landing and had to navigate our way to a rendevous point. There were a certain amount of items (15) available to our team on this mission that we had to rank in order of importance to our survival. By this point I had already realised that trying to explain things to the rest of my group was like trying to fly purely by flapping my arms. Given my extremely low tolerance for stupid people and my general hatred towards everyone, I was becoming slightly enraged by the fact that I had been put in the worst group (they had consistently obtained the lowest scores for both games) and that their constant squabbling was starting to sound reminiscent of hens clucking; or more like turkeys actually (gobble gobble gobble).
Anyway, after these 'games' we were given our scores for both games and people were given the opportunity to justify their decisions for both games. This opened the forum for all manner of idiocy. The amount of times people gave their brilliant strategic ideas of how to 'win' the Prisoner's Dilemma, all of which made no sense at all mathematically as the only way to win it is to co-operate with the other team and both get equal scores. Ofcourse, this couldn't happen because everyone wanted to win, so they all attempted to shaft the other team and in doing so shafted themselves. Though I will admit there was some mild amusement in hearing how these people tried to justify their own idiocy with no real understanding of what they were talking about.
After this I was informed that I hadn't passed and that there was no point in staying for the rest of the day. Having discovered that they were more interested in people's ability to talk than people's ability to think (which, in all fairness, I should have expected from a sales job), I was decidely indifferent to not passing the assessment as any job they could have placed me with I would have undoubtedly hated.
Upon leaving the assessment I was picked up from Wilmslow station by a friend who lived nearby in Stockport. We went to the nearest pub so I could have a few pints and relax and explain how the day went - I spared her the bulk of the whinging, bitterness and Three Amigos qoutes that I have put in this post.
She later dropped me off in Manchester at Piccadilly Station where I met up with a friend of mine who goes to Uni in Manchester. He showed me some of the city and I looked in a few shops before we decided to get something to eat. After an hour of not being able to decide on where to eat we just went in some random take away. After that we decided that the rest of the evening would be best spent doing a bit of a pub crawl and getting wasted. I can't say I didn't enjoy going into goth bars wearing a suit - It's like walking round a peasant village when your a knight wearing lovely shiney armour. I guess it's like the normal feeling of superiority you get when surrounded by smelly goths, but just that little bit better.
Anyway, after getting suitably wasted and another (admittedly regrettable) takeaway, we headed back to his halls to crash for the evening. He had described them as being like a prison, and in fairness, that seems pretty accurate. It's not that they weren't clean and the rooms were alright; but it's just how impersonal the place feels.
The next morning I headed back home to Lincoln. I left via Oxford Street station, so there was only one change on the way back in Sheffield. I had to leave early so that I could be back in time to go to the job centre (my favourite hell on earth) and sign on for my lovely dole money.
All in all, not a complete mis-adventure. The assessment day was a complete waste of my time, but in fairness - it was a day out.
Disappointed by the lack of pictures. However, if images were used to portray the misery as well as words, I probably would of just killed myself.
lol yeah, though I should've atleast got some pics of the various pubs I went into in Manchester. I am gonna head back over there soon enough though for more wasted adventures, so I will try and get some.